Grad

It’s been a world of culture shock.

I’ve gone from a tiny women’s college in a bubble of a campus to a gigantic research university so interwoven with the city that I can’t tell what’s school and what’s not. It’s also co-ed! There are /men/ walking around!! That’s not to say I never saw men during my undergrad years, but I can count the number of dudes I’ve had in my classes on my two hands. That includes cis and trans dudes.

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ALL ABOARD

the train to Nopesville.

The workload of this semester has been so terrifying that my ignoring-that-undesirable-things-exist defense mechanism is in full gear. I’m now home for spring break with three papers to write, an acting performance to prepare for, and a presentation to begin for another acting course. Of course I haven’t started any of those. Here’s a catch-up journal entry instead!

SUMMARY OF JUNIOR YEAR, FALL SEMESTER

Four classes. Cognitive Psychology. Intro to Moral Philosophy. Intro to Linguistics. Research Methods in Developmental Psychology.

I magically got A-minuses in three of the four classes and only got a B-plus in Linguistics because that final exam was nightmarish. This did wonders to my previously atrocious GPA from failing 3 classes!

…not that it’s a great number now but at least it’s not a 2-point-something anymore.

The research methods course was utter hell from September to October because we essentially condensed a semester of material into those two months. But then the rest of the time was entirely focused on our research so I guess I wouldn’t mind keeping the structure of the course the way it is.

My research partner and I examined how preschoolers label ambiguous gender, and although our hypothesis wasn’t supported, our findings indicate that growing up in a gendered society may be an ass even to preschoolers. Since we had to design and conduct our own psych studies, this course really provided some much needed vocational direction for me. I loveeee doing research!

Looks like I’ll be slaving away in grad school for that Ph.D. until I’m thirty.

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Until Forever

Today’s entry is sponsored by KoyaTegoMass-brand cuteness.


They’re so colorful. <3 Even though I’m disappointed that Shige was occupied with something else (his stage show?) to be in this shoot, he would have messed up the hair colors thing they have going on.


Of course Massu gets food while the other two get random objects. ^3^


Koyama and Tegoshi have a long history of cutely sharing food. Or is it Tegoshi with NEWS in general? Whatever, we all know Tegoshi is a promiscuous creature. :D

I don’t know what Massu’s staring at, but he’s off in his own little world with his panda while KoyaTego are being all squishy with their Pocky. I usually view Koyama and Tegoshi’s relationship as a typical little-brother-big-brother one, but then there are moments like this where Tegoshi acts like such a girlfriend it’s as though they ship themselves.

Not that I mind. ;)


Oh, now Massu wants in on the fun. I guess that’s what he gets for frolicking with Shige so much lately. KOYATEGO PAYBACK.


It’s obvious why some fans view Koyama as the mother of NEWS and Tegomass as the children. Such a lovely family they are. <3

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Yes, Maybe, No

Lillith watches Asian dramas.

THAT, journal, is as unexpected as you can get. Lillith is very American, and Very Americans don’t usually have interest in Asian entertainment. But apparently she does. And that’s awesome.

How I found this out, well, I need to backtrack a bit here. This technically belongs in the Real Life section, but it sort-of-kind-of crosses over into Fangirling so I’ll let it stay. Any sort of crossover should alarm me but I’m too giddy to care. :P

I was just working on a project for religion (will talk about that in next entry) in the computer lab, not really paying attention to anything else. But you know how your ears can pick up words that you want to hear? Yep, that happened, because I suddenly heard “…mumble mumble mumble ASIAN DRAMAS mumble mumble…” on my right.

I had no control whatsoever over the “OMG YOU WATCH ASIAN DRAMAS TOO?” that spilled out of my mouth. People know I listen to Japanese music but they don’t really know I watch the dramas. Just couldn’t help myself. ^___^

Then Christa further surprised me by asking Lillith if she had seen 1 Litre of Tears. You know, the one that NISHIKIDO RYO of NEWS and Eito is in.

^O^

Christa likes Asian entertainment but she isn’t particularly conscious of which language it’s in — unlike me, who can’t listen K-pop unless it’s in Japanese. (<— lolwut, that made no sense xD) She thought Tegoshi was Korean. -___-;; Until I heard her say she loved 1 Litre of Tears, I hadn’t known she was into Japanese things at all. So yeah, now I know I’m not the only person in my school interested in these things. Mrs. English Teacher watches Chinese ones. :Db

Speaking of dramas. Deka Wanko! It’s over! D:

I’ve only been skimming through each episode lately because it’s a detective drama, and detective dramas are hard to understand without subs. After going through the whole series, I have one pressing question.

Did they dare remove the romance from Deka Wanko?

It’s not a shoujo manga, I know, but the romance is there. I don’t know how Hanamori’s crush on Kirishima evolves in the later chapters of the manga, but there’s absolutely no hint of it in the drama. Or if there is, it’s so subtle that my poor Japanese failed to detect any of it. I’m a teenage girl, okay? I crave this kind of thing.

Weeeeell… the drama team did hint at a continuation. Deka Wanko special? Or maybe season two?

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed!

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Faffing About

Proof of God’s existence:

  1. Tegomass’s “Aoi Bench” PV

Yes. I saw it. The short version that was released quite a while ago. I probably shouldn’t have, but I did. Come on, it’s Tegomass. There’s no use resisting anymore. Besides, it’s less than a week until the release. :Db

It’s on Youtube but we all know how anal Johnny-san is about his precious talents being on that site, so each uploaded vid isn’t going to last long. I don’t think I’ll post a cap, even though Tego and Massu look like walking candy bars throughout the whole thing.

…You know what, I can’t do it; I MUST post a cap. They’re far too lovely to ignore.

Anyway, surely others have caved too and watched it… right? Please tell me I’m not the only one who couldn’t resist the sparkles. It’s called a promotional video for a reason. :D

Argh, why are Tegomass and their PVs always sooo gorgeous? It’s not safe for my heart.

I think Tegomass knows we ship them. Just look at their past PVs. Nearly all of them involve cute interactions with each other and lingering smiles. They know fans go crazy over that sort of thing, and they do their best to — subtly — cater to our desires.

That is, except for the “Moshimo” PV. That was some display of awesomely blatant fanservice. :Dv Oh, I love them~~

Can’t wait to see their guesting on Music Fair 21! Tegomass has delivered nothing but utterly sick (in the good sense of the word, of course) performances on that show; think “Kataomoi no Chiisana Koi” and their nonstop medley with COLOR. :DDD I heard that for this upcoming episode they did something with Perfume’s “Chocolate Disco”? Not sure if they sang it or danced to it or what — just that they did something involving that song. I saw previews of their guesting and it seems that they’re dancing/making funny faces in the background…?

Well, whatever. I’m just wicked excited for this because “Chocolate Disco” was my first Perfume song. Perfume isn’t really my thing so I don’t listen to their music, but I do know that one song, which is AWESOME luck. It’s cute but not in a Tegomass-ish way at all. And that makes me look forward to this even more. xD

By the way. I just found out that not only is Tegomass releasing on the same day as AKB48, but they’re also competing against Kobukuro. Life just isn’t fair.

Ooh, one last Tegomass thing before moving on. On some show today, Tegoshi wore his silver earring in his left ear! I want to seeee~ And Massu’s hair is back to that gorgeous glossy red he had before. It matches with his shirt. :D

EDIT: Actually, no, I got my information mixed up — it’s Massu with the silver thing in his ear! :O

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Nowhere Else

Normally I don’t believe in love at first sight. So someone please explain to me why I am now completely scalp-over-toes (lol that sounds much more gross than “head-over-heels” XD) in love with my Top Choice School.

*______*

I took my first step on the closed campus a few weeks ago. Got lost a billion times that day while trying to find my way to my first aid class: got lost looking for the roof of the seven-story garage, the right building, the dining hall to check in, the building where classes were at, and finally, the classroom itself. A GIGANTIC place to someone like me. And obviously gorgeous. I NEED to get accepted into this school, regardless of the fact that I will never be able to afford it. I’d been so worried that I would end up hating my Top Choice School when I visit it, but that’s definitely not the case!


Aww, the picture I took captured only a fraction of the beauty. D: That white structure you see is one of over 120 buildings on campus. No wonder I had to consult the map they’d given me over a dozen times.

I went into four buildings: the garage elevator, the admissions hall (which was me getting lost again and required a kind lady to point me in the right direction; all I had to do was follow the balloons), the building with the dining hall for registration/check in, and then the building with the classrooms.


This is a common room type thing, I think. I didn’t go down there to see. Afraid I’d get in trouble. XD It looks like a castle, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I wasn’t planning on gushing over this school for the entire post. I’ll just list some recent happenings, I guess. Far too lazy and fingers far too frozen to type more than necessary.

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Ballooooooooooooons.

I took this shot so long ago that I forgot about it. But I came across it while clearing out some of the files that’s cluttering my laptop and it made me laugh, so clearly I must write words about it. This was back when YamaNade was still filming. Yes, that long ago.

What. Is. This.

XDDD

I’ve been trying to figure out what Kamenashi is holding in his left hand. If I rewatch the video I might remember, but my memory is awful and I can’t find where in my laptop I saved that clip. I think Corr has that exact same watch.

Uchi + hair clips + concentrated expression = CUTE. ^o^ But what ARE those things they’re holding?

Um, I don’t know what Ballet Guy is doing. Ahaha, Miyao is so awesome. :D

And Tegoshi, is that an eyelash curler? O_____________O This is why it is so tough convincing people that you’re totally manly. I must watch those episodes again and check his lashes.

Don’t they have hair and make-up people to do these things for them?

In other NEWS, I continue to spam-listen to the “Sakura Girl” single. ^___^

. . .

On Thursday, my guidance counselor had given me a sheet that said

  • AP Literature and Composition
  • AP United States History
  • Honors Physics
  • Honors Calculus
  • Honors French IV
  • Honors Bioethics

are the classes I’m supposed to be taking next year.

SENIOR YEAR SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD. DDD:

Mrs. English Teacher (my current English teacher) and Daisy (the AP English teacher) recommended me for the AP English course. Even though I really, really, REALLY do not want Daisy as my English teacher for my final year of high school, my pride will not let me degrade to Honors World Literature, even though that class is taught by my favorite teacher. I’ve heard AP English is beastly.

I don’t know why I’ve been approved for AP History when History is easily my worst class. Lynne and Laney are taking it this year, and they are constantly studying for some kind of test for it. And I saw what they had to do for summer reading. Someone had handed in a packet that was one centimeter thick. God help me, I’m scared. D:

Christa says that I’ll do fine in Physics. I believe her, so I’m not worried about that.

Calculus will be okay. I hate math, but things always turn out fine in the end.

French is so hard this year that I think everyone is dropping it. Even Franky, and that means we’ll no longer have identical schedules. I saw her switch it for Art II. I’m disappointed, though, that she doesn’t have more faith in her abilities. Adele is, uh, really bad at spoken French. After three years, she’s still pronouncing the s sound in est. But that’s understandable, since French pronunciation is rather complex, compared to her native Spanish, and she’s still learning English on top of that. I’m glad that Savannah isn’t dropping the class. I won’t be alone. T.T

Bioethics is a class so scary that none of the seniors wanted to take it, and so there had been no Bioethics this year. But since it seems that the class WILL return for the 2010-2011 school year, and I am one of the lucky incoming seniors who has to take it. The teacher? She used to be a nun, and now she’s the dean of students, the one in charge with handling all the disciplinary stuff — like the hour detentions and expulsions. She’s wicked brutal when it comes to assignments. She’s a really intimidating person… despite that she’s not even five feet tall.

With a coarseload like this, I think I will DIE next year. English, History, and Bioethics all require massive amounts of writing. I love writing, but not when I’m forced to. Blech. I have absolutely no idea how people can take NOTHING BUT AP COURSES and still retain their sanity.

I told Tyson and Leander — of my volunteer group — about my courses for next year, and they said that it’s way too much for a senior to have to deal with. Tyson is a sophomore so he doesn’t know what seniors do, but he said that he’s failing Physics right now. Leander is a senior, and although he’s plenty smart like Tyson, he’s rather passive about school. He even applied to college late, that lazy bum.

Anyways, forget about all that. I can deal with my killer courseload later. Like, “next year” later. :P

I’m such a stupid person. Didn’t realize that it was April Fools Day last Thursday until fourth period of school, when I happened to glance into the senior locker area and saw that it had exploded.

In my school, seniors get the most attention, then the freshmen (we call them freshwomen in our school), followed closely by the juniors, and lastly the sophomores. Haha, sophomores are unloved. :D Freshman lockers are all on the lowest level above the basement, Floor Two. Floor One is actually the basement. Junior lockers are on the highest level, the fifth floor (lucky me, huh?). Sophomores have their lockers under us. The senior locker room is this alcove-like area between the third and fourth floor. So, Floor 3.5.

As I was heading up to French from AP Bio, I had to go by the seniors’ lockers. The first thing I saw was the yellow DO NOT CROSS tape stretched across the entrance. Then the colorful plastic Easter egg halves on the ground. And finally, the plethora of streamers and confetti tossed haphazardly all over the room.

It really did look like it exploded. But it was pretty; such a pity that they had to clean it up. The principal let them have their fun, as long as they cleaned up after themselves.

That was the seniors’ prank. I didn’t get to witness the glory that had been the juniors’ prank, but the person who planned it all gave me the details.

She sits next to me in English and Religion, thinks everything I say is hilarious even when I’m being serious, and likes harassing poor Song. That’s right; Carlie, our beloved junior class president and my good friend, was the mastermind behind the prank.

Of course, she didn’t want to skip class to set it all up, so she got some people who were all too willing to miss their classes to do her dirty work.

Well, that’s her explanation for why she didn’t participate, but I knew better. I had snorted and poked her in the side with a teasing, “Lazy.”

I wonder how long it all took, because they had blown up 96 balloons and jammed them all into the vice-principal’s office. The VP’s office is really small. Just enough for a desk and space for kids who had screwed up. So the office was literally filled up with balloons. I can only imagine her face as she opened her office door and was attacked as nearly a hundred balloons spilled out. No one got in trouble, though. The VP is a nice lady who understands that girls will be girls.

Hey, when there are no boys around to do the pranking, you gotta find a substitute, right? :P

I’ll end this entry with another screenshot I had taken recently.

Why, hello there, cutie. ^___________^

I love the shameless part of Tegoshi, but his embarrassed face is so adorable that I can’t help wishing that he’d be embarrassed more often.

Lovely lyrics, by the way. :DDD IT’S ALWAYS THE INNOCENT LOOKING ONES, I SWEAR.

Until next time,

~ Mimi =D

I shall sleep forever

School is over for the week! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I love sleeping.

My friends invited me out to lunch with them after school today, since school ended right after the liturgy at 11:30. They actually asked me last week, and immediately I told them I wouldn’t be going. I wasn’t about to bother asking Mama. She’d rather eat dirt than agree. The Old Man would resist at first, but my evil powers of persuasion always gets him to crack, and soon all he’d care about is how I’d get home.

But Mama would never release me to friends. I knew that for sure, so I told Christa I wouldn’t go. She still persisted that I ask them. She knows that The Old Man loves her. I know that Mama doesn’t like her. But I followed through with her request anyway by casually bringing it up during dinner.

The Old Man reacted the same way as always: with a nod to acknowledge that he heard me, but at the same time kind of ignoring what I’m saying. Mama, predictably, got angry. She said that I don’t need that sort of bull, that I’m fine staying at home. Her voice had gone colder than the ice in my fruit punch. The icy stare I directed into my bowl practically froze the soup. As usual, The Old Man sensed the dense tension in the air and attempted to cut through it by exclaiming loudly, “I think the food is ready. Why don’t we eat now?” His method of coping with the tightrope relationship between Mama and me is, like always, changing the subject. The Pest said nothing.

Oh, what a lovely family we are.

On another subject, yesterday the juniors were given their awards. We do this every quarter, after report cards come out. They call out your name, you walk up to the principal, and she hands you a little award thing (I really don’t know what to call it; you can pin it on your backpack). I got high honors, perfect punctuality, perfect attendance (thanks to The Old Man ’cause I’m always oversleeping), and two effort awards.

The effort awards are really hard to get since they’re the ones that matter. I was shocked that I managed to get even one, let alone two since I hardly try in school. Not only that, but the classes I got them for shocked me even more:

Religion and AP Biology.

Daisy teaches Religion. And Daisy also slept over at school last night. The students and some teachers were doing their annual fasting all day yesterday and they had a sleepover at the school. I think it’s slightly skeevy for him to be the only man to sleep in a school with all girls and female teachers, but hey, what do I know? He cooked them all breakfast this morning while wearing his sleep clothes, which included a tight t-shirt that… yeah.

He looked good.

I sat as far away from him as possible in the cafeteria, put my head into my arms to block out his image, and went to sleep until the bell rang for us to go up to homeroom.

Ah, kind of sidetracked there. Right, so he teaches Religion. Why on earth did he give ME (as well as two others from the other junior religion classes) the effort award when I spend most of my time in that class trying to stay awake? I hadn’t expected it at all; in fact, I almost didn’t hear them call my name. It is beyond scary knowing that he was thinking of me when he submitted the names of the three people receiving the award for his class. I firmly believe that he did it on PURPOSE. He knows that I don’t like him and I fear him, so he probably gets his kicks out of torturing me mentally.

Agijvogiwrhjbvkelg.

Right after they called the recipients of that award, they called out the name of the person who got the AP Bio award — me. I hadn’t even walked two feet, so I turned around on my heel and got that award too, while the rest of the junior class laughed. AP Bio is the bane of my existence. I don’t understand a single concept — except for how DNA works — and my notes are indecipherable because I half-write, half-sleep.

I will pass this next test. I will pass this next test. I will pass this next test. I will pass this next test. I will pass this next test. I will pass this next test. I will pass this next test.

Speaking of tests, I didn’t do well on that US History test at all. I left many spaces blank. Maybe I should have studied, huh? History is my worst subject next to Science.

I also fell asleep DURING THE TEST. As I handed in my unfinished paper, I noticed it was plagued with scribbles and cross-outs. See, when I’m sleepy, I have a tendency to write down whatever I’m thinking or dreaming about. For example, I reread my AP Bio notes and found mentions of Utaban and Domoto Kyoudai. O__________________O

Probably because the day before I had watched a Tegomass appearance on Domoto Kyodai and the second time NEWS appeared on Utaban (the one with the zapping chairs >:D). Obviously my mind was not on protein synthesis that day. I also found stuff about weddings and princesses in my notes. Haven’t the slightest clue why. One time I caught myself writing the word NEWS. ^-^

Because I kept nodding off during the History test while trying to write at the same time, I wrote the weirdest things. o__O I can’t even count how many times I had to strike out a bunch of words because I was writing about cats or something like that. Gah, I NEED SLEEP.

Until next time,

~ Mimi xP

Me + High School Fics = FAIL

Usually, the characters that I compose in my head don’t attend high school. They are either homeless, royalty, graduated, or a character of a fantasy fic, where high schools rarely exist. I do this all on purpose, because ever since the ninth grade, any sort of attempted high school fics turn out to be grand failures.

As a junior, I HAVE AT LAST FIGURED OUT THE REASON.

It’s simple, really; I’m surprised I haven’t figured it all out sooner. Like I’d mentioned, I’m not exactly the brightest light bulb in the chandelier. I try to write high school fics where the main setting is the protagonist’s high school. A normal, co-ed, public high school.

I attend a definitely not normal, all girls, Catholic high school.

In fact, I have only gone to Catholic schools all my life, so I haven’t a clue what public school life is like, other than from what I’ve seen from TV. My HS fics fail because I’m trying to write about a life I’ve not once experienced. I haven’t even seen a locker until high school, let alone use one. Thus, I was running late to all my classes during the first week of ninth grade.

But despite these problems, I’m glad that I chose my school. If I had listened to all the people who told me that I’m stupid for rejecting that prestigious public exam school that’s considered the Harvard of high school (2,000 students!! :O) for my itty-bitty all girls school (250 students), I would end up becoming a totally different person. They all try to reason with the same thing: “But all the people who go to Extremely Awesome School end up going to Harvard/Princeton/Stanford/other awesomely hard-to-get-in school!”

Well, GOD, maybe I’m one of the few who actually don’t want to go to Harvard/Princeton/Stanford/other awesomely hard-to-get-in school.

Anyway, I digress. The main reason I’m writing this entry is to list all the factors of my school that are probably marring my ability to write about normal high school life. In other words:

How My All Girls High School Is Different from Co-Ed

1. Testosterone is banned, unless you’re a staff member. How can I write about a co-ed environment when there’s no co in this ed? Unless you count the girls who dressed up as boys on Halloween, there are no boys in my school. If you’re boy crazy, you may spaz out and think, “OMG NO BOYS CAN’T LIVE. DDD:” But honestly, you only notice the lack of guys for the first month or so, and then you forget all about them. And yes, whores do still exist in an all girls school.

2. The class of 2011 (MY CLASS) is so close it’s downright weird. It’s true, the entire class of 2011 is like a big family with 60-something members. I know everyone’s names, first and last. (And yet no one can seem to figure out how many students there are. :/) During lunch, the other grades scatter throughout the cafeteria. But my class eats at tables lined up against the left wall of the room. The next column of tables are usually not occupied at all, unless there’s no room against the wall, so seems as though we’re separating ourselves from the rest of the school. I would be exaggerating to say that we have NO problems, but they’re very minimal. Negligible, really.

3. Emotions run wild. The juniors just had their class retreat, where we took an entire day to escape schoolcrap and just talk to each other in the auditorium room thing (we all just call it Room 38). At the end, during the final group reflection, we arranged ourselves in a circle and all had a chance to say whatever we wanted. In the latter half of the circle, one girl started tearing up when she tried to speak about her school experience. Tearfully and kinda drunkenly, she sobbed that she loves us all so much. She knocked over the first domino because everyone after her couldn’t talk without crying, myself included. The tissue box traveled around the circle with us.

4. People show up to school looking like they woke up three-point-five seconds ago. It’s an all girls school. There are no guys to impress. So who cares, right? Personally, I often wake up and head off to school without once glancing into the mirror, even though I know that it looks like my hair exploded. Some arrive in their sleep clothes and change when they arrive. I remember Laney’s purple penguin PJ bottoms. That doesn’t mean we don’t wear makeup, though, because some of us do.

5. The halls = our locker rooms. My school is so tiny that we have no space for locker rooms. It’s not like we care, since most of us undress in the halls, with the shyer ones/freshmen using the bathrooms. I distinctly remember a girl roaming the halls with just her skirt and bra on. Then again… that girl is also a self-proclaimed whore. XD When it’s time for gym class, we just change in the gymnasium (which must be why I’ve never seen a male gym teacher). It’s perfectly fine if you strip in the halls, but you just have to watch out for male teachers/the custodian/the principal. Me and Angel once had to do fitness assessments together, and instead of walking all the way to the restroom to change, we changed outside the fitness room. The trainer was staring at us like we were freaks.

6. Molestation is inevitable. One of the requirements of attending my school is that you must get used to how close the students are. In fact, everyone is so close that the concept of “personal space” is nonexistent. The girls LOVE to touch each other in all sorts of ways, both acceptable (hugging, high fives, linking arms) and indecent (squeezing ANY body part, wrestling on the carpeted ground, grinding). It bothered me at first, but you get used to it, and eventually all you do is squeal if it happens to you. That’s just how they show affection. It’s like life in Johnny’s. :P

7. Female problems ahoy. I remember a time when Kitty — the same girl who ran down the hall in her underwear with absolutely no sense of embarrassment — screamed down the halls, loud enough for the teachers to hear, “DOES ANYBODY HAVE A TAMPON?”

8. [Too much] freedom. Since there are obviously no boys, some of us may feel compelled to, ahem, loosen up and act natural… perhaps more than we should. I actually had no idea that No Bra Day exists AND IS A REGULAR OCCURRENCE until Christa told me. Our restrictive oxford shirts and thick maroon sweaters hide everything anyway. I guess it doesn’t matter if you wear one or not. *shrug*

This is what I have to deal with every day. Lovely, isn’t it?

No, I really do like this school life. So much more interesting than regular school life, I should think. =P

I wonder what regular schools are like.

Until next time,

~ Mimi :Dv

P.S. A photo of my first AP Bio test. The blue number is the corrected score:

Got a 67 on the newest test. Quite a miracle, actually, since I truly had not a clue what I was doing the first ten pages of the fourteen-page test. I really should study more, huh? ^-^ You know there’s a problem when you start thinking that a 67 is good.

It’s like he KNOWS.

Daisy could not be any creepier today. I swear, it’s as if he knows that I fear him. But it’s not just me being paranoid! Merry, Franky, and Lillith all think that he hates them. And Franky mentioned that there is something odd about him. Boy, do I agree.

He said my name again today. The fact that he knows my name and that he uses it scares the crap out of me. We were about to split into 4 teams to play Jeopardy in order to review for our Religion test (that I should be studying for right now). Teachers usually like to count off people. You know, start with one person as one, the next person is two, then three, then four, and back to one. Then all the ones go to one corner, twos to another, etc.

For some bizarre reason, Daisy started with me. Which makes no sense because I sit in the middle of the back of the classroom.

Like I said before, HE KNOWS.

I probably would have been fine with it if he started with me and just moved on, but nooooo. He had to add in this completely creepish line.

Daisy: Let’s see. Why don’t we start off with Mimi today? She’ll be number one. –insert creepy chuckle here- Well, isn’t she always?

What was THAT? Really, just what was that? I can’t STAND getting comments like that, even if they’re only playing. My self-esteem is so off the charts — “off the charts” as in, it’s so low it’s practically non-existent — that I immediately think people who say things like that to me are merely making fun of me. Daisy barely knows me, and yet he goes and says something like that? It caught me so off guard that I felt the blush spread up my face like a wildfire. The girls in that class did not help my situation when they, PROBABLY FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO FURTHER MORTIFY ME, collectively awwed.

Of course, it doesn’t comfort me at all that there’s this teeny, persistent voice in the back of my mind that’s telling me about how Daisy is still relatively young, only in his late twenties. How he’s sort of good-looking. How half his students think the same way. How I’ve always been drawn to older men. How his muscles are rather defined under his dress shirt. How his dimple appears when he smiles. How his voice is one of the sexiest voices I’ve ever heard coming from a man—

WOAH, WAIT, STOP RIGHT THERE. I do not like where this is going. I do NOT have a petty student crush on Daisy, even though I know many students who do (like Blaize, a former cheerleader who’s obviously madly infatuated with him). In fact, I don’t like him AT ALL. I FEAR the man, for crissakes. So what if I happen to find his voice attractive? I find lots of people’s voices attractive. Same thing with faces. Older men have always fascinated me. As do muscles. :D So this means nothing. His appearance doesn’t change the fact that he gives me the chills.

You know how in novels authors often describe the whole “heart leaping into your throat” thing? I had always found that phrase ridiculous. But after meeting Daisy and having talked to him, I’ve come to understand only too well that it can actually happen. It feels like my heart had literally climbed its way up my throat and is beating there steadily, obscuring my speaking voice with a noticeable quiver. I have to take more breaths in a sentence than usual because I suddenly find that my breathing has become too shallow and my throat too tight. And I end up talking really fast. Usually my speech is slow, lazy, drawling, but when I try to talk to Daisy it’s like someone pressed the fast-forward button.

I’ll still be keeping a close eye on him. I sure know he’d be keeping his eyes on me, that creep.

Well. Done with that. Time for English homework. Look, isn’t this challenging?

homework

Argh, me + cameras = phail.

The new English teacher probably thinks we’re all morons. So she’s making us do stuff from a second grader’s workbook. I don’t like her very much right now.

I wrote a BRILLIANT one-and-a-half-page thank-you letter to this donor to my school. I felt so incredibly proud of it because it was so much better than last year’s letter. My soul was written into that letter. But then…!

Ms. English Teacher said it MUST be under a page. She came by with a pencil and started striking through many of the lines I spent a long time thinking up, just so I can get it under a page. I had to cut out so much that my once-brilliant letter became this piece of choppy garbage that I wouldn’t even use to wipe my tables. In that letter I talked a lot about wanting to be a writer, but after all that teacher made me erase, the donor would think that I’ll never make it as a writer with those terrible writing skills.

I would rather eat grass than send this letter out. Yes, of course I’m exaggerating. But my point is proven.

Until next time,

~ Nana >:(