yes, of course

It’s strange to be able to say these next few things, journal, since I started writing here when I was a baby teen and I’ve grown so much in these 7 years. At least I think it’s been 7. Too lazy to spend 10 seconds going back to check.

(Okay fine, I checked and what the actual fuck it’s been nearly 8 years.)

As I was saying!

I made it through high school.

I fell in love with a boy.

I completed a bachelor’s degree at a wonderful school that completely changed my life.

I learned to navigate around chronic mental illnesses and now understand myself so much better because of it.

I maintained relationships with dear friends who scattered around the world after graduation.

I returned to my high school for our 5-year reunion.

I just finished my master’s degree.

And I’m not supposed to tell people this next thing because of complications that I’ll further explain, but…

16-07-27-02-40-30-634_deco

I’m getting married.

Holy shit, right? That little baby child who started this journal all those years ago is now engaged!!

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why do i do this to myself

Paper anxiety + extreme procrastination = I have to write a minimum of 47 pages for 3 classes (+ regular stats homework and a stats final project) in one week.

I have never written this much before.

I am scared.

I am trash.

Until next time,

~ Mimi

P.S. Have a picture of Manny’s dog because she’s cute.

i wish i could be a dog right now

ALL ABOARD

the train to Nopesville.

The workload of this semester has been so terrifying that my ignoring-that-undesirable-things-exist defense mechanism is in full gear. I’m now home for spring break with three papers to write, an acting performance to prepare for, and a presentation to begin for another acting course. Of course I haven’t started any of those. Here’s a catch-up journal entry instead!

SUMMARY OF JUNIOR YEAR, FALL SEMESTER

Four classes. Cognitive Psychology. Intro to Moral Philosophy. Intro to Linguistics. Research Methods in Developmental Psychology.

I magically got A-minuses in three of the four classes and only got a B-plus in Linguistics because that final exam was nightmarish. This did wonders to my previously atrocious GPA from failing 3 classes!

…not that it’s a great number now but at least it’s not a 2-point-something anymore.

The research methods course was utter hell from September to October because we essentially condensed a semester of material into those two months. But then the rest of the time was entirely focused on our research so I guess I wouldn’t mind keeping the structure of the course the way it is.

My research partner and I examined how preschoolers label ambiguous gender, and although our hypothesis wasn’t supported, our findings indicate that growing up in a gendered society may be an ass even to preschoolers. Since we had to design and conduct our own psych studies, this course really provided some much needed vocational direction for me. I loveeee doing research!

Looks like I’ll be slaving away in grad school for that Ph.D. until I’m thirty.

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Goals of Impossiblity

At my current weight, it is not at all a feasible goal to lose 8 more pounds before cousin Mandy’s wedding in under 2 weeks, but that’s not stopping me from dying trying!

I’m not even that chubby/tall — basically these should be the incredibly stubborn Last Ten Pounds I’m trying to lose, or even the Last Twenty if I want to go that far — but compared to Mandy and the other tiny bridesmaids, I LOOK LIKE A WHALE. I’ve never met any of them but that’s what I’ve been told. D:

My summer class ended 2 weeks ago (I got an A-minus in a math class!!!!) and I’ve been spending my days since then working out. I alternated between double-cardio days and cardio/strength training days, and every day I challenged myself to do 100 squats because my butt is a sad creature.

The squats thing, it’s not so hard. You know, except for not being able to walk up the stairs immediately afterward. I’m working on being able to do 100 in a row instead of breaking it up into 2 sets of 50. I think my butt has firmed up a bit, but my thighs! They’re like rocks! <3 I used to hate how strong and bulky my short legs looked but I’ve grown to love their strength! Now, if only I can lose fat quicker than I gain muscle…

After about 10 days of this sweatfest, I stepped on the scale to find out if it had paid off at all.

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Ten a Day (21-30)

JOURNAL.

AIN’T EVEN GONNA APOLOGIZE FOR THE CAPS BECAUSE I GOT MY CALC MIDTERM BACK.

-HYPERVENTILATES-

I GOT…

A 57.

OUT OF 70.

WHICH IS…

…an A-minus?

Okay, professor, I know I’m not very numerically inclined and I stare at you blankly half the time in class but a 57/70 is not an A-minus.

Well, it is after the gigantic curve. I guess I would have gotten a B-minus/81%, which I would have been thrilled with, actually! But the average was a 46/70 or something like that, or about a 66% without the curve.

What.

How could that be the average when I am the only student who never answers the professor when he asks questions about the problems on the board because I am completely lost?

I got no points for the first question — “Find the domain of the function f(x) = ln(1 – e-x)” — because when e‘s and logs and ln’s show up in a problem everything automatically equals unicorn vomit, for all I know. But then this true/false problem here:

2 + 2 = fish

Professor was starting to collect the exams and I didn’t know how the heck to approach this question so I pulled that above answer out of my own ass, then promptly died a little inside as I handed my packet to him.

He says that this average is pretty consistent with past averages for the summer calc course. These averages are always lower than the averages of a regular semester-long course, which is to be expected because the pace of this summer course is insane. My second midterm is in one week and I’m 7 homework assignments behind!

TT-TT

Next ten set of questions to take my mind off of scary math things.

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Pridelands

I don’t know what Tegomass is doing with this new single. Not sure if gusta.

. . .

Been a while since the events happened but I’ll post a short thing anyway.

Tough few weeks in Massachusetts.

My college is located many miles outside of the capital, but I’ve lived there my entire life. I grew up in a dangerous section of Boston so as desensitized as I’ve become to violence, news of death will garner hardly a blink from me.

We’ve never been terrorized before, though. This is different from the usual robberies and rapes and gang violence. In such an extremely proud city, this is why people care so much.

I wonder how relevant last week’s Boston marathon bombings and related events are to people who live outside Massachusetts. The plant explosion in Texas was huge and tragic and happened right after the marathon, but other than a post or two about it on Facebook, people here didn’t seem to pay much attention to it.

It’s one thing to hear about events of terror. It’s another thing to have it happen in the city you lived in your entire life. PLUS, the street where the bombings occurred? I go there almost every week. Pretty unnerving.

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Tough as Nails

Oh spring break, you’re finally here! (: (: (:

This last week before vacation was torture. Every time I finished an assignment/studying for a midterm, I immediately had to start on something else. Had to. Which meant I didn’t. I’m not a good student, okay?

I’m also starting to suspect (based on the evidence Ley put before me) that I have ADD. If you’re looking for the worst listener in the world, look no further! My mind weaves in and out of conversations constantly, no matter how interesting they are to me, so this means friends get mad at me and lectures are always a disaster (my 2.5-hour Holocaust seminar omg kill me). It is incredibly difficult for me to finish things in a timely manner, if at all. I would either get distracted or I just wouldn’t finish it (cleaning, games, papers, books, craft projects, the 59765 drafts I have in this journal). I have the memory span of a goldfish (3 seconds). Super easily distracted by anything, even by my own thoughts or the wall.

Even though I’ve had these problems for years now, the thought of having ADD never occurred to me until a nurse at that psychiatric ward asked me if I had it. And then Ley suggested it to me the other day too. :/

I just took some online tests today and while they’re not diagnostic, they all say I show the symptoms of moderate to severe ADD. I’m not so much hyperactive/impulsive as I am inattentive. Maybe I’ll see if my school’s counseling center can do anything about this, or at least properly test to see if it’s a disorder or   I really am just a horrid, horrid student.

My inattention problem might cause me some hard times at my new job at the laboratory preschool on my school’s campus. 3-4 year olds are already hard to understand, and when you have someone who CAN’T listen to you entirely… bad. They’re gonna strip me of my student teacher position soon. ;___;

Anyway! This post was supposed to be a quick one about nail polish but I digressed. But here we are. The thing about me and nail polish is that I will go through many months of not even touching a bottle of varnish. I just won’t have any interest in it and I don’t know why.

Then you have times like this semester where I go nail crazy and will change my polish whenever it chips. I swear it’s because I’m Vietnamese. I have nail painting in my blood. I should start charging Ley whenever she asks me to do her nails for her.

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