Goals of Impossiblity

At my current weight, it is not at all a feasible goal to lose 8 more pounds before cousin Mandy’s wedding in under 2 weeks, but that’s not stopping me from dying trying!

I’m not even that chubby/tall — basically these should be the incredibly stubborn Last Ten Pounds I’m trying to lose, or even the Last Twenty if I want to go that far — but compared to Mandy and the other tiny bridesmaids, I LOOK LIKE A WHALE. I’ve never met any of them but that’s what I’ve been told. D:

My summer class ended 2 weeks ago (I got an A-minus in a math class!!!!) and I’ve been spending my days since then working out. I alternated between double-cardio days and cardio/strength training days, and every day I challenged myself to do 100 squats because my butt is a sad creature.

The squats thing, it’s not so hard. You know, except for not being able to walk up the stairs immediately afterward. I’m working on being able to do 100 in a row instead of breaking it up into 2 sets of 50. I think my butt has firmed up a bit, but my thighs! They’re like rocks! <3 I used to hate how strong and bulky my short legs looked but I’ve grown to love their strength! Now, if only I can lose fat quicker than I gain muscle…

After about 10 days of this sweatfest, I stepped on the scale to find out if it had paid off at all.

wahhhhhhhh

I should have taken comfort in the fact that some of that was water weight or something. It is not possible to gain that much in 10 days unless I had been eating like 6000+ calories a day, which I definitely was not.

And there, I’m guessing, was my problem.

I had maybe two meals a day plus small pre-workout snacks. Not intentionally to starve myself, but because my metabolism was so slow that I just did not get hungry for 6 hours after each meal. I also ate huge meals (and still stayed well within my caloric limit, possibly even below it).

That only served to slow my metabolism to a crawl as my body entered starvation mode and clung greedily to every ounce of fat.

SO.

I evaluated my mistakes and decided to drop everything I was doing and commence Plan Desperation.

Turbofire.

From what I’ve heard, Insanity is a suicide mission, so I opted for the fun sounding Turbofire program. It’s lots of choreographed cardio and kickboxing and the trainer is a cheerful bouncy thing (I don’t respond well to negativity, so good!), and man is it not for beginners at fitness. After Day One, I woke up not being able to feel my shoulder blades, a first in my years of exercising.

I’m now on a semi-strict eating schedule in which I have to eat every 2-3 hours, 5 times a day, around 1500 calories. It was hard forcing myself to keep the meals small and frequent, but 6 days later I’m getting the hang of it!

As for my weight, well, it’s too soon to tell if I’m actually losing anything. At least it’s not going back up?

Manny’s birthday was on the 13th and I figured couldn’t be there for him, so I sneakily mailed him this card that arrived exactly on Saturday.

IMAG0747-1
^ The result of having a poor and poorly artsy girlfriend. I did the lettering, and the card itself (plus illustration) was an extra one from when I ordered some for Sherry’s birthday at this Etsy shop.

Manny seemed to like it. :Db Then again, why would he tell me if he doesn’t like it and crush my spirit?

We had our usual Skype session that night and he reaaaaaaally wanted me to visit him the very next day. I had never asked my parents before to hang out with a friend without a few days’ notice. Fear was blatant on my face, but so were the puppy dog eyes on the birthday boy’s, so I fed my parents an elaborate lie about a college friend’s birthday party and they agreed to let me go without fuss.

According to Manny after squeezing me all over once I arrived at his house, my thighs and butt are the same as always. I went into denial mode and insisted that he forgot what my body felt like in the… three weeks since we last met.

NO my thighs really are rocks, I swear! They don’t jiggle when I hop around now.

We didn’t do much for the 6 hours I was there, other than enjoy each other’s company and watch TV and make food. And mayyyyybe we did some saucy things all over the house. :P

Cuddling was more of a challenge than usual because he put on 5 pounds of muscle and his arms feel like actual rocks beneath my head. I don’t know how I should feel knowing that we’re both aiming for the same goal weight.

Oh, and his mom introduced me to his grandmother. She is really old-fashioned and does not approve of this interracial thing at all. Nor does she like physical contact, because apparently she was like “Dafuq is this?” to Manny’s mom after she saw me hugging her grandson. This will be an issue that I will ignore for now.

Before I left, Manny somehow managed to make me pinky-swear to tell my dad about him in the morning.

Afjdkgwlgwrgrjbmrkwjhkrhw. Only that keysmash can accurately describe my fear.

So journal, my next post should continue on with the Ten a Day series, and if that post never comes in a week max, I am likely dead and please call the police so they can find the remains of my body before it decomposes entirely.

tl;dr: My goals this summer are:

  1. Lose a thousand pounds in five minutes
  2. Not be a victim of a homicide

Until next time,

~ Mimi :P

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