dead

or, Why I Am Stupid for Choosing to Attend One of the Most Rigorous Colleges in the Country.

Sophomore year is consuming my very souuuuuuuul.

As you can see by my 4 month absence from this journal.

Sorry ’bout that.

fmaesxdcgije.

I’ve finally returned home and will hopefully have more posts during my 5-week vacation.

I’ll provide a scattered summary on what’s happened in the past millennium.

1. I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP FANDOM. I still love NEWS as much as before (okay… maybe not that much because I was seriously scary obsessed then). I just have no time for fandom things other than quickly checking for any important updates, and even then I might be a bit late. Usually I would find out about new singles and super significant things like THE EPIC AWESOMENESS OF WORLD QUEST BEING USED FOR THE FIFA WORLD CUP JAPAN HOLY SHIZZIT CONGRATULATIONSSSSS really early on, like just as it’s announced. But nope, not anymore. I can’t do that. No time to watch any of their TV appearances or even glance at their magazine spreads. Sadness. ): Although I think I’ve replayed WORLD QUEST ~300 times already. That song has such a hopeful, NEWS-y sound reminiscent of songs like “Fly Again” and “Full Swing” that I just love. The other song of unpronounceable title (Pokopeoewmfwjwnvdk) is too silly-happy for my taste but I’ve grown to like it. The other tracks are lovely too but World Quest is still my favorite from this single.

A most strange thing has happened to me, though, regarding NEWS. Tegoshi is still my favorite, that hasn’t changed. Buuuut… I don’t find him as beautiful as I did before. Hmm. :/ I think he is objectively an attractive person with pretty features but I no longer spaz out at the sight of his face. Hmm hmm. :/ :/ :/

I really don’t know if I will be able to fangirl anymore in this journal. Maybe if something truly excites me, but I haven’t even watched much of the Tegomass 3rd Live DVD yet which is a pretty big thing. I guess this will revert back to a strictly “real life” journal like it was pre-discovery of NEWS.

2. Like usual, I took a nice mix of classes this semester. I’ll write a bit about each of them, although on Twitter it is brick-to-your-face obvious which one gave me the hardest time.

    • Japanese 201: Definitely harder than 101. I continue to suck at katakana; often when I’m at the board, I would ask-whisper the person next to me how to write xx in katakana. Other than that and my problem with kanji, I think I can pull some sort of A in the class! This would help sooooooo much with my GPA, which I will discuss in another section. Oh, also we have a random boy in our class. We call him ルイ君 in class and so that shall be his alias here. Rui is a senior from a nearby engineering school and at first it was uber distracting and unwanted, this deep manly voice arising amidst a sea of femininity, but now I’m pretty used to it. He usually sits next to me and so we’re often partnered up. I’m determined to be his friend eventually. It’ll happen, you’ll see! (He’salsoprettyattractive but shhhhh that’s between you and me.)
    • Social Psychology: This class. <3 I have decided on psychology as my major simply because I lovee it and nothing else interests me. When I was studying for midterms for other classes, I remember thinking that I just wanted to curl up in my bed and read my psych textbook. I only have a solid B in the class (BAD BAD BAD because it’s your major, you stupid bimbo) but I love it so much. My professor is the coolest person ever and she is one of the freaking authors of my textbook. LOVE.
    • Contemporary Latin American Women Writers: Had to take a writing class again as one of the conditions of my academic probation. (Yeahhh I am definitely that horror story, the cautionary tale you tell to all first years, a prime example of what happens when everything goes wrong.) The readings are really great and the professor said there’s no way I can fail the class unless I don’t do the work, so I’m not too worried.
    • Computer Science – Java Programming: So. This class. The class that caused me to regularly pull all nighters and consume harmful amounts of caffeine. It’s very interesting and I do like it enough to want to major/minor in it, but omggggggggggg it stressed me out too much.
    • Classical voice: Not an academic class, but I had a voice class every week with 6 other girls. From this class, I have discovered the following:
      – My head voice is like non-existent compared to my uber strong chest voice.
      – …I’ve been an alto this entire time.
      – I think I’ll take the jazz voice class next time. I struggled so hard with the songs my teacher chose because they were smack dab in the middle of my voice and I have the most unpleasant mix voice and when in doubt I just belt. Not good.
      – I can breathe better now but I don’t think my voice improved at all. -_-

3. So my friend lied when she said being president of an organization is easy. IT IS NOT. My dance group is small so we only need two members on our executive board, president and treasurer. Treasurer applies for funding. President… DOES EVERYTHING ELSE. Larger organizations have multiple positions (publicity chair, secretary, web mistress, etc.) but as president, I have to do all of those. I’m struggling with our scatterbrained, very odd treasurer, who apparently no one likes but won’t tell her. I also choreographed this semester, and having no training in dance, it was all sorts of hard. But our show went well, I think! My dance sucked balls compared to the others, but there’s always the spring semester to improve!

4. I like my roommate. I mean, I better like her since we chose each other. She has her faults but we all do so I tolerate them. She’s a women’s and gender studies major AND she’s pre-med which makes for a pretty intense girl (WAGS majors tend to be very passionate/feminist and you know how pre-med folks are). She doesn’t show it off, but she’s also filthy rich. Like, her mother is distant royalty in her home country and both parents are doctors and she gets care packages from her nanny every few weeks. It’s a bit obvious that she’s lived a lavish lifestyle, though, because oh God she’s spoiled as hell and becomes irritable when she doesn’t get what she wants.

So weird living with her at times when I had to grow up with restraints and not getting a lot of what I wanted, whether material or otherwise (like friends, freedom, etc.).

I’m starting to get sick of her though, as expected. I get sick of people if I’m around them too often, and it happens more easily if they have annoying personality traits. Laureen, for example, is one of my closest friends at school yet I tire of her so so easily because she is visibly stressed out and is hardly ever calm. This is why I’m kind of glad I don’t see Manny every day or else I’d probably hate him by now. Oh, speaking of whom…

5. Manny and I are still together! In fact, our 1 year anniversary passed on the 13th of November. He gifted me with a beautiful crystal necklace, the origin of which I needed to explain (ahem, lie) to my parents because it does not look like a cheap thing from Forever 21 I would buy for myself and is obviously something a boyfriend or husband would give. Plus, my parents know I never ever wear necklaces because I hate things near my neck (I don’t wear turtlenecks or seat belts for the same reason) so this is certainly suspicious.

Will finish the Love Story series of posts eventually, promise! For now, let’s have some quick updates:

  • I always stay at his suite from Friday evening to Sunday morning.
  • His mom (and his 3 siblings) met me over dinner and pretty much interrogated me the entire time, initially believing that I was an evil little girl who wants to take advantage of her son. She believes all girls are evil and want to take advantage of her son. Uhh, by the end of the night I think I showed her I’m too meek and spineless to hurt anything.
  • Apart, we’re fine and normal, but together? A firey explosion of uncontrollable hormones. It’s become so bad, journal. D: When he visited me at my school, my roommate Ley said she could feel the sexual energy between us the entire time and she thought it best to completely block us out. But how could she not notice the 6 or 20 times we had sex while she was awake and in the room? .___.
    WE HAVE NO SHAME.
  • Unless we’re getting married (not happening; will someday explain my intent to be a single mother and therefore ruin my life), there’s no way my parents can know about him. I’m not super concerned about the culture clash, actually, but rather… they will take one look at him, his face, his demeanor, and will instantly know that we have done maaany not-innocent things. Oh godd the awkwardness of them knowing. They would probably disown me. Also, they would kill me. Him. Both of us.
  • This boy is so madly in love with me and I need to explain how the hell this happened and why I am an awful person for pretty much leading him on yet not really this entire time.
  • His co-workers call me his wife. Apparently a year of dating is a long time for them.
  • I don’t care what he claims; it cannot be normal for him to get a boner every time he sees my face when I am not sexy in the least.
  • I no longer feel the weird butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him. This is… good? It either means I’ve grown to be totally comfortable around him (a rarity in MimiLand) or I’ve lost some interest in him. I really doubt it’s the latter because while I don’t feel physically odd, I do feel warm and happy. So… :Db.
    Besides, I think it’s kind of weird to always feel tummy flutters upon seeing your significant other. (LOOKIN’ AT YOU, BELLA.)
  • …He has a 24-inch waist and like 2% body fat do you see why I have body image issues when I’m around him.

6. IF YOU ARE A GIRL, YOU COULD BE LIVING A LIE RIGHT NOW. Every girl seriously needs to see a bra specialist. Here is why:

Mama frequently receives gifts from coworkers who have a crush on her, and since two of the gifts were Victoria’s Secret gift cards, she gave them to me. Now, my friends all know I have been lamenting over my chest and how I might possibly be shrinking to an A cup because my current B cup bras were too loose. ;___; Since I was home for the Thanksgiving holiday, might as well take that time to get properly measured at Victoria’s Secret and confirm my nightmare.

This is how my exchange with the bra specialist went.

Me (awkwardly chattering away while the lady pulls a measuring tape around my boobs): I haven’t been fitted before but I’ve always worn a B cup. I did go down a band size because I had lost a lot of weight, but I figured I should find out if my cup size shrunk too.
Lady (stepping back): Okay honey, you’re either 34D or 34DD.
Me (freezing): Buh—ah—merp—I… LIAR.

The universe ceased to make sense when she gave me a D cup bra to try on and it fit perfectly.

Well. This explains why Manny and my friends and my own mother thought I was at least a C cup, and it also explains why I am constantly trying to minimize the size of my chest, which wouldn’t have to be so if I were as flat as I thought I was.

I even went to another Victoria’s Secret store and got fitted again because I was so skeptical. This time, the lady was getting a 34C measurement, but the bra she gave me to try on was too small and cut into me weirdly. Sigh. 34D it is.

I have heard that VS bras run smaller than bras from other brands, meaning that I am possibly not this size in actuality, but VS bras are the only ones I wear so it doesn’t matter.

Society needs to stop making it seem like D cups are gigantic melon-y things sticking out of your chest, at least not when your band size isn’t large. That doesn’t look huge to you, does it.

7. My GPA… no. I’d rather not discuss my GPA. It’s so terrible due to my lack of effort when I had depression that my class dean included me in a special group of sophomores who presumably have similar GPAs. We have an extended deadline to declare our major (I already know mine is psychology but I need to find a faculty advisor) and we also have more time to decide to complete our study abroad proposals if we want to do that.

I doubt I can get into any programs in Japan with my GPA and poor Japanese. ;__; I also don’t know if I can stand spending even a semester away from Massachusetts.

Hopefully grad schools will look at my transcript and nod with understanding at my rough first year.

ALL RIGHT long scattered post, I shall end here and will try to compose less summarized posts next time. Shower and bedddd.

Until next time,

~ Mimi :p

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