Confessions of a Teenage Girl, Two Years Later

“Chankapaana” might become my favorite NEWS single and I will damn straight tell you why.

  • Chankapaana is my new jogging song! I loveeeeeeee it. It always makes me want to dance along (the hand motions, at least) but I have to stop myself because I’m busy running and don’t have a microphone stand.
  • …but is this song seriously about sex with a stranger lololol
  • The instrumentals of Full Swing remind me so much of Endless Summer. This is a good thing! It is uplifting and has exactly the lyrics that NEWS fans want to hear. I’m glad they chose Chankapaana to be the main song, though, because I don’t think Full Swing is strong/catchy enough to lead.
  • …at least, that’s what I originally thought before I watched the SCP performance of the song. I’ll go into detail about that in a bit.
  • EXCESSIVE AUTOTUNE. IN NEWS SONGS. WHAT. You know which solos I’m talking about. You also know that I’m very ergh about autotune but I love NEWS so I’m conflicted.
  • Tegoshi makes his voice breathy at times in Addict and that boy obviously wants to do another Bambina piece. :P This is definitely my new favorite Tegoshi solo. Yes, even with the English.
  • Speaking of English, there’s quite a bit of it in these solos, huh? As a lover of the English language, it doesn’t make me cringe! :D :D :D I can’t really understand Massu at times but that’s okay.
  • …Massu??? Is that really you with the seductive lyrics and Tegoshi-eqsue breathiness? Mannn, I really like this side of Massu. Don’t know about everyone else, but I find it pleasantly unexpected. He’s good at this type of dancey song.
  • Koyama why is Starry so beautiful. I’m such a sucker for pretty pianoing. ;__; I was feeling emotional and weird the other night while lying in bed and when this song came on in my iPod I literally sobbed myself to sleep.
  • He improved at singing too!
  • I adore Tegoshi’s high notes so freaking much.
  • Shige’s solo… I’m not sure how I feel about it, to be honest. It’s a lot of rap and I’m not a fan of rap. On the other hand, I love the refrain! And strangely I think Shige’s voice suits autotone. Not sure if that’s a compliment, LOL sorry Shige!
  • But Shige is really really really really really stunning in the PV and cover art. Agree, yes?

Slightly upset at the making of the PV, though. It was everything you’d expect from a making. Not a good thing. But with such a BLATANTLY LOW BUDGET PV, there wasn’t much to include, was there?

Oh well. At least the PV was nice.

And Tegoshi’s rehearsal shirt made me feel things. Recognize it? :D

I think I watched all of their live performances already. So happy for them for being able to perform before an audience again! (Though I swear KoyaShige were lipsynching during one perf…) But I think the most noteworthy of all the performances is the SCP perf of Full Swing. Before watching it, I wasn’t sold on the song just yet. It was nice and the lyrics are moving, but that’s all.

Then… the performance.

It’s not that the vocals are any better than usual. (They’re not. :P) But there a number of points why this perf changed everything.

  1. Live band!!!
  2. They start off in a circle, then move away into a half-circle, and when they later all migrate down the steps back onto that round platform, I imagined that they were coming to us at long last.
  3. You can just feel that they mean it, everything they’re singing. If hearing it isn’t enough, watch their facial expressions.
  4. Oh, poor Massu! The chorus is in a high key and you can really see that he’s trying hard to sing it properly for us. <3
  5. (Teehee, it’s funny watching Tegomass unconsciously synchronize at times.)
  6. That final refrain! They sang it with such power that I think I teared up at one point. Just look at their body language, all of them!
  7. …especially when they all sing that last negai. It’s in head voice in the first few refrains but then they sing it in a strong chest voice and loveeeee.
  8. And then there was that one part of the performance early on where Shige sings his first solo line and his hand moves to his belt and this image of him undoing it flashes in my head and GUILT GUILT BAD MIMI YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

Aaaaand, one last thing.

I LOVE YOU GUYS YOU DESERVE ALL OF THIS AND KOYAMA YOUR WORDS ARE BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL ALL OF YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

. . .

So I noticed that one of my old old posts had been getting more traffic than it should be for an old post. Curious, I clicked on it and noticed that it’s my girl confessions meme post thing! I read through my old answers to the questions and could help but laugh at how much I’ve changed in almost exactly two years (that post was from July 22, 2010).

I filled it out again! I only have a few months left of being a teenager, after all. But I also left the old answers because I like to see the change in my thinking. New answers are in italics instead of color because I figured that neon text would eat my eyeballs.

Girl Confessions Meme

1. Do you sleep in your bra?
I am the only girl I’ve seen who would answer this with a yesssssss. It doesn’t have the underwire, though. Don’t see how girls can stand going bra-less at night. It feels so free and naked and gross underneath. *shudders* And I don’t care about the whole “But they won’t grow” deal. I DON’T WANT THEM ANY BIGGER.

And I ain’t bragging here — I really don’t like them.

Funny. I actually like my boobs now, the one part of me that doesn’t make me cry. :/ (NOT EXAGGERATING, I have actually burst into tears recently after looking in the mirror.) They’re not nonexistent but they’re not huge. I still always wear a bra to sleep but probably only out of habit. Ever since Jonnie moved out of our double and I had a single for a semester, I discovered that sleeping naked is the loveliest thing ever.

Also, I tend to oversleep in college and I don’t want to be bothered to put on a bra if I’m late.

2. Do you sleep with socks on?
Unless it’s really, reaaaally cold, nope. I always kick them off in the middle of the night anyway.

Socks in bed continue to be ew.

3. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?
I don’t like that extra body heat lying next to me. Maybe when I’m older.

Aha, now that I sleep with Manny almost every week when I’m in college, I can indeed testify that I DO NOT like that extra body heat lying next to me. But as difficult as it is to fall asleep, I’d much rather be in his strong arms than sleep alone. ;__;

4. Do you enjoy drama?
On TV. Not so much in real life. There’s tons of it at school.

Um, I enjoy J-dramas! :D

5. Are you a girly-girl?
I am now, I guess; being at an all-girls school for three years does that to you. I used to be the type of chick who hung out with mostly guys and would threaten to beat them up if they annoyed me. >___< Now, I love skirts and leggings and headbands and dressing up and CAN’T STAND MEN. ^^

I’m still very much feminine. Constantly on the lookout for pretty dresses, preferably ones with lace! Still awkward around any guy who isn’t the bf but I’m learning to get over that.

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
The Pest. I do it because he hates it. ^vv^

Umm, it’s either The Pest or Manny’s best friend Olive.

7. Small or large purse?
Hmm… large. But I never carry purses — just this black messenger/tote bag thing that’s just big enough to squeeze in my laptop.

I do carry purses now occasionally and I prefer larger ones.

8. Are you short?
A bit under average, the doctor said: 5 ft 3, 63 inches, 160 cm, whatever you want to use.

I stopped growing when I was 12. I’m 5 ft 3.5, actually.

9. Do you like somebody?
I get little insignificant crushes on people all the time, all of which never last for more than a few weeks. But right now, I really like Angel. Been going on for three months now. I think it began after that long discussion the two of us had during Religion class. I was being all confused about my future and whatnot, and she encouraged me to keep on writing and not give a crap about what the adults in my life were saying.

I have a different kind of relationship with her than with any of my other friends. She’s the only person (outside my family) who sometimes doesn’t use my real name. I don’t know why, but she calls me Tabitha (“Because you look like a Tabitha :D”) and I actually respond to that name.

I obviously like Manny. :P I had a crush on one of the guys in his res hall during that brief period when we tried to take a break, but that’s over with. Mostly. He still likes me, though. I’m supposedly his exact type. And honestly, I feel like if I had met him first I might be dating him now because he’s my type. :/

10. Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?
1.) Don’t have a FB, and 2.) I have never used (AND WILL NEVER USE) a boy’s name as a password.

I have a Facebook now. But no.

11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Sweaty, yes. Dirty (like, blackened with dirt), no. When I was little I used to walk around the house without any socks or slippers on, because I liked watching the dirt wash off my feet in the shower.

I’m a college student. I will do everything I can to avoid laundry, and that includes rewearing socks. I’m gross, yes.

12. Do you think you’re conceited?
Secretly I am. Sometimes. I have an inferiority complex most of the time.

Oh lord, not at all! I am the farthest thing from conceited.

13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
I have to for school because it’s required for club council and student council members. I’ve done it outside of school for the free candy :DDD, but I’m not sure if I’ll do it again this year.

I would like to this year! I didn’t last year because that was during a particularly bad bout of depression and instead of trick-or-treating I slept for 17 hours.

14. Are you double jointed?
No, but I’m the most flexible in my family.

Still not double jointed. Still super bendy, though! Manny always tries his wrestling moves on me (wrestling is really sexual o.O) and they don’t work because he can fold me in half and I’m just like, “Are you done? -__-“

15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Oh, I can sleep anywhere. I freaking love to sleep, lazy girl that I am. I had slept in my SAT Subject Test room… while the test was still going on.

In college, I slept on the common room couch, in the study room, and on the kitchen table. Just normal college life.

16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
If I were to answer this question while school was still going on, I would say something along the lines of “HELL TO THE YES.” The concept of “personal space” is nonexistent there.

The Pest kicked my butt a few hours ago.

17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
Nope, nothing. :Dv I’ve been real careful not to make any enemies in high school. So far it’s working because I’m now a senior and have never had a problem (you know, except for that time in ninth grade when all the guidance counselors spent the WHOLE FREAKING YEAR trying to “help” me because they were convinced that I was clinically depressed). Me and Angel were trying to pick out the people in our school who no one hates, and I was pleased to hear that Angel doesn’t think anyone hates me. ^^

I don’t think there’s ever been a rumour going around about me.

18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
Uhh, I think I once called Merry by her last name by accident, only because Corr — one of Merry’s closest friends — always calls her by her last name (lol they have a weird relationship) and I was hanging around Corr a lot that day. I call all my teachers by their last names without the titles… just not to their faces, of course.

I do it to Mclean sometimes. Her alias is a play on her real last name.

19. How many guys will read this just because it says “Girl Confessions”?
My journal is just out there for anyone to stumble upon, so I have no idea who reads the stuff I write.

Probably none. Hopefully none.

20. Check of those that apply:
[x] I do wear make up.
[x] I have cried in a movie theater.
[x] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth
[x] I get jealous.
[ ] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[x] I love to laugh.
[ ] I like death/grind/black metal.
[ ] I like rap.
[ ] I like techno.
[x] I like country.
[ ] I carry a purse.
[x] I’d be lost without my computer.
[ ] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[ ] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own a boy band CD.
[x] I get bored watching football.
[ ] I’ve never been called a spoiled brat.
[x] Guys are confusing.
[x] I’ve been called a bad influence.
[ ] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.

Come on, ladies, be truthful!

1. What color is your bra that you are wearing?
Bright turquoise lined with white. My favorite~ ^____^

Black with white polka dots.

2. Do you prefer light- or dark-haired guys?
I can go googly-eyed over any guy with any sort of hair color, whether it be blond, brown, black, electric blue, etc. Generally I prefer dark, but then that doesn’t explain Timmy or Billy (or Tegoshi, but he’s a celebrity so he doesn’t count), both blond.

I don’t care about his hair color.

3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
Nope.

With Manny… pretty frequently. He doesn’t let people read his emotions and for someone who’s dumb and gullible and fragile as me, that leads to lots of misunderstandings and frustration.

4. What’s one thing a guy can do to make you like them?

Argh, what a difficult question. I fall for guys quite easily, all of them different from each other. But those are all mostly itty bitty crushes that fade away fairly quickly, unless the guy in question does one thing: listen and talk to me. Simple, right? It’s not so easy, actually. I unconsciously tense up and act cold toward all boys, so they need to be very persistent.

…chase me, lololol. Nah, that’s how I’ll date him. :D To get me to LIKE him, he has to show me that he cares about my safety and well-being or just me as a person. I like the big-brotherly types.

5. Do you have a best friend?
Don’t think so. :/ Markus used to be before we lost touch with each other. I have a bunch of friends, but I wouldn’t call any of them my best friend. I’m always afraid of stealing someone away from their other friends.

Cappa is my best friend. Realized this in college. My college best friends are Laureen and Sherry. They all have like nothing in common but what can I say? I like variety.

6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Umm, never. I guess I’m just lucky? (Or unlucky, depending on how you see it.)

Er, I’ve only been in one relationship and that’s still going on. I really hope that when we eventually break up, it will be mutual or that I’ll fall out first so that it’s less painful. I’d probably crack like an egg otherwise.

7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
Not once. XD There’s nothing so wrong with me that I would consider using surgery to fix.

Nopeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

8. Do you like your life?
Compared to some people, I have a great life. That must explain why I rarely emo in this journal. :P And also, I get strangely annoyed when I see other people emo so that’s why I don’t like doing it.

Sure, my family can be mildly dysfunctional, Mama is nazi about keeping me in the house, I’m not as pretty as I’d like to be, I have no idea what to do about my future, and the only thing I’m semi good at is writing — but other than these problems, everything’s going fine. No guy problems, good reputation in school, nice friends, people call me cute all the time, and I can make people happy with my writing.

Huh. I never realized how good my life has been until I answered this question.

AND THEN THIS EFFING DEPRESSION PSYCHOTIC MENTAL SHIT HITS ME AND FQEIRFJEAMQKG. Things were going fine until that happened. Then I got better for a few months and now it’s coming back and whyyyy. I don’t like my life nearly as much as I once thought I did but I’m not sure if that’s just the remnants of depression talking.

9. #9 is missing.
*shrug* Okay, then.

Is there supposed to be a question here or something?

10. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boy/girl-friend from you?
No.

Oh no, wait, I remember that it was tough getting Markus all to myself because he’s an extremely popular guy. He wasn’t ever “stolen” from me, but close enough.

Still no.

11. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
Uh, I would if I want to DIE. Can’t swim. >___< Markus tried to teach me in a hotel swimming pool, and nearly killed me in the process. To be fair, I think I was flailing around too much and accidentally kicked him where it hurts.

I really ought to learn how to swim.

12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
Before high school, more boys. Now, DEFINITELY more girls. I’m so used to an all-female environment that I’m so awkward around guys now.

I’m getting more male friends thanks to hanging out in the city but I have way more girl friends.

13. How long have you had a facebook?
Don’t have one.

A year.

14. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
I hit The Pest every day. >:D I think I slapped Markus once or twice for being a pervy little boy, but that’s all. ^^ Back in the sixth grade, I remember seeing Melinda punch this guy (who I liked) in the face with so much force that he fell to the ground. Small girl, strong arms. :P She told me afterward that it felt good. Think back to the movie version of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban where Hermione socked Draco and that’s pretty much how it happened.

I probably mock-slapped Manny a few times because he likes to make fun of me, that asshole.

15. What are your biggest fears?
– being alone with grown men
– being touched by a guy (my age or older)
– answering and making phone calls
– mirrors
– things that creep in the dark
– being seriously bullied (DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN)

All of the above plus the following:

– being a burden to others
– saying something stupid
– being wrong

16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
A couple times. Can’t remember why. Probably insignificant.

Oh yeah. This is common when you suffer from depression because the sobbing comes out of nowhere.

17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
TEGOSHI GET OUT OF MY HEAD In junior high it was Timmy. Freshman year, Merry. Right now? Just Angel.

But seriously, Tego really is always on my mind. I fear that therapy is the only way to get him out.

Sighhhhh it’s the boyfriend, of course. What do you expect, we’re still in the honeymoon phase.

18. Do you believe in the saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater?”
Yep. I’m naturally distrusting of people.

Hmm, people have the capacity to change. You just have to find that right person who changes you for good! Good luck with that, though. :P

19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
All the time. I have a surprisingly good intuition. Markus used to always consult with me whenever he liked a girl because I seemed to be able to tell if it would work out or not.

Sherry tells me I’m impulsive so I tend to have good feelings about everything but nope TONS OF FUTURE REGRET.

20. Do you ever wish you were famous?
Sometimes. I’d love to get famous for my writing. But I like being unknown too. Yeah, being famous for writing does that because you’re famous but not really famous.

^ my ultimate goal! I need to be published!

21. Are you currently missing someone?
Yeah, a LOT of people. I lost touch with a bunch of my old friends and I want to see some of them again.

Yes. ;___; Cappa and all my friends at college and the bf of course!

THIS GUY OR THAT GUY? PICK ONE

(PREPARE FOR SOME BOYFRIEND BIAS, JOURNAL)

Cowboy or gangster?
Oh please. I’ve seen enough gangster boys (or boys trying to be gangster) in my short life. For some reason, I seem to attract a bunch of them, both romantically and as friends. A cowboy would be interesting.

I think… I’d rather go for the gangster. Manny talks real ghetto at times (and I can’t understand him >_>) so it wouldn’t be much of a difference.

Preppy or punk?
The good girl in me is attracted to punk. But no face piercings, please. >.< The nice preppy boy works too, if the punk is a jerk.

Preppy boys dress nice and they’re actually nice boys when they’re not pompous rich assbutts. Punks are too… punky.

Face or body?
Face. You can always change your body, but you’re pretty much stuck with your face unless you wanna resort to drastic measures.

Oh dear. I’ve been utterly spoiled by Manny and his six pack abs and muscley arms that I don’t know if I can have anyone who doesn’t look like that. His face is also so beautiful and even after all these months, I STILL blush and get suddenly shy when he stares at me super intensely. The verdict: face!

Good cook or take you out a lot?
GOOD COOK. A ton of girls won’t care what kind of person you are as long as you can cook. I can’t cook at all. D’:

Food is the way to a lady’s soul, and if the lady is the sensitive type like me who appreciates gestures, cook! I do like going out, though, so either is fine, really.

Sweet or sexy?
Oh no, I can’t handle sexy boys. Sweet all the way, or even better, CUTE.

GRRR I am biased because Manny is totally the conceited sexy type. I love it when he does the occasional sweet thing and he truly is a sweetie underneath that asshole so my answer shall remain the same.

Armani or Abercrombie?
I don’t know what Armani is, but NO ABERCROMBIE.

Oh my god, meme, are you freaking serious, MANNY IS AN IN-STORE ABERCROMBIE MODEL. -_____- Armani is… too rich for me. Abercrombie it is!

(The amount of bias in this section IS TOO DAMN HIGH.)

Contacts or glasses?
I really like glasses on guys, but those things can hide some seriously pretty eyes. Contacts, then.

I would prefer to see your eyes without anything obstructing the view. There was that one time with a guy named Micah and he wore glasses and looked kind of meh but when he took them off…!

. . .

I need to sleep. What else is new. Byeeeeeeee.

Until next time,

~ Mimi ;D

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