smile, my dear

I am no longer allowed to flail over Tegoshi’s beauty.

DON’T GET ME WRONG, I still love him and the rest of NEWS. I just can’t spazz over how beautiful he or Yuuko or anyone else is.

But I will continue to flail and fangirl, don’t you worry, journal! NEWS still has my support. I’m just… well, I shall explain in the Real Life section. ^–^

I’m not sure if it’s because there isn’t as much information floating around or if I’ve just been MIA internet-wise, but has there been a curious lack of reports on Tegomass’s 3rd live? And by reports, I mean information in any form, whether photographic, auditory, or written. Especially photographic. I’m not entirely sure what all of their outfits look like, except for Tegoshi’s all-white ensemble and Massu’s sparkles and the bear-eared short-sleeved hoodies.

I think it’s because I haven’t been as stalker-ish as I was before. A few months ago I would stalk both Japanese and foreign fans for any NEWS-/Tegomass-related info I could get my hands on. I have found a few reports and saw some news footage or two, but not much beyond that.

I DO know that Shige and Nakamaru visited one con and Koyama recently came alone to another! And that Cheerleader Yuuko made her debut and supposedly looked stunning! But no photos of her, boo. ;__;

I think I’ve been keeping up with most of the major NEWS news. Uhm…

• Koyama’s drama Lucky Seven

• Shige’s novel Pink and Grey

• Shige’s official name change

• Tegomass’s radio show

• Tegoshi and his various Itte Q adventures

• Tegoshi in the Hotaru no Hikari movie and Deka Wanko SP

• Massu and… er…

Does Massu have anything?

If not, then that’s sad for Massu. ): But as for me, I’m more than satisfied with all the lovely group cross-talks and photoshoots we’ve had lately. Their group dynamic has improved, don’t you think? We’ll be seeing them really soon during the Johnny’s Countdown, which will be their first appearance before an audience as NEWS in a long time.

In eager anticipation of this new NEWS, I *finally* got around to changing the header of this journal! And yes, I intentionally placed camwhore Tego-bear closest to the camera and poor Shige-bear way in the back. ^vv^

. . .

How in the world did I land myself a hot guy?

Erm. Let’s try this again in a less superficial way.

Mannyyyyyyyyyyy. Such a lovely human being of internal substance. ♥

I used to be a bitter bitch when it came to romance. Haha, okay, that’s a bit of an overstatement. It’s more accurate to say that I would side-eye people who were all stupid-happy-bubbly-sighing because of their significant other. I just didn’t understand the emotional aspect of it because I never experienced anything stronger than an unrequited crush and thus dubbed it silly. Yeah, even though I write mainly for the romance genre.

That was before I… got a boyfriend.

AHHHH I KNOW I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER.

The process of the two of us finding each other wasn’t that long, but it was pretty complicated, somewhat movie-cliche, and required some trial-and-error. But I will tell the story anyway because I want to remember my first relationship ever, even if it eventually ends badly. #pessimist

(Forgive my use of hashtags; Manny said I’m not funny at all and so I took that as a challenge and became a Twitter comedian. So far — damn him, he’s right.)

(Also, my new friend Tangy finds it to be a cute and chick-flicky story, as demonstrated through her reactions that she typed out on Facebook instead of expressing them out loud while I was verbally telling the tale in front of her:

Awww yeah, look at those fantastic censoring skillz.)

Actually, I think I’ll hold out on the story for the next entry. I spent two and a half hours telling the long tale to friends so it deserves to have its own post, possibly in short story form if I’m feeling not too lazy. I’ll write about Manny himself today. :D

For once, I know the guy’s feelings are genuine. It wasn’t love at first sight (which I believe is utter bullshit), meaning that he doesn’t like me only for my face — his initial reaction to me was that he thought I was a little chubby and weird. He started liking me a little over a month after we met, around the time of my hospitalization and after he got to know me. And he really knows me, since I had told him every one of my dark thoughts and he even calmed me down over the phone during a particularly bad period of my Sadness. I can honestly say he saved me from something terrible.

Even after knowing how messed up I can be, he still likes me. No — he said he likes me because of my flaws. Unbelievable, isn’t it? You know that KAT-TUN song, the one that translates to “I love the you that you hate”? That’s it, describes his feelings perfectly. I had even asked him why he likes me because there’s really not much appealing about me.

He said the generic things that most guys will say, that I’m smart and nice. But then he said something surprising: He likes that I’m insecure. He likes my vulnerability, my total lack of confidence in myself, that constant apparent need to be taken care of. I always unconsciously push him away and distance myself from him whenever he steps too close, and he likes that. He likes that I’m hard to get. I don’t chase him like the other girls do. I make him work.

What a masochistic weirdo.

But the moral of the story is there’s hope for everyone! If I can find someone who likes me for who I am, then every lonely person in the world can surely find their special someone too. :)

Now, what’s HE like?