From the bottom of my heart~

http://community.livejournal.com/aramatheydidnt/715416.html

There has been much debate over whether this is true, but oh goodness, I hope it is.

According to the above link, Tegoshi Yuya’s rumored blond American girlfriend isn’t just a rumor — she’s REAL, because she was spotted at the LA screening of Tego’s new movie.

I’d heard about the alleged blond chick a while ago, and I’ve always been a supporter of their supposed relationship (I think I mentioned that somewhere here). Come on now, how sad would it be if he’s twenty-something and has never had a girlfriend because his agency forbids it?

Since there’s been no solid proof — only hints and bits of supportive evidence — that she exists, I can’t be completely sure that she does. The link said that she was speaking to a staff member in the VIP section and was using Tegoshi’s first name. The VIP part is certainly noteworthy, but calling Tegoshi by his given name could very well mean nothing. This did occur in the United States, after all, where it would be considered rude to call someone by their last name.

BUT — I really do think she’s real. How can someone as pretty as Tegoshi NOT have a girlfriend? There must be a reason why he’s such a romantic.

And also, she drove away in an airport limousine. Clearly she is important. :P

I’d be lying if I said that I’m not jealous. Of course I was jealous; it’s a natural part of being a fangirl, even a sane one like I claim I am. But I’m not lying when I say that the initial bite of jealousy was instantly replaced by a great happiness for him. I know how hugely corny/fake it sounds, but I can feel that smile spread across my face whenever I think of how happy he must be with her and how long they’ve been together. I really love that she is just a regular girl, not another celebrity, and that she’s trying her best to keep their relationship a secret. She’s one stealthy chick if she’s managed to avoid our eyes for so long. I really don’t like it when celebrities hook up because it just gives them that further status of “untouchable.”

This is all IF she is real, of course. Still have my doubts, but I can’t help wishing. It actually upsets me when I think of Tego never having a gf. Or any of the NEWS members, really. If they don’t want one, that’s fine, but if it’s because old man Johnny forbids it, well, SCREW HIM.

This particular line made me melt at the cuteness:

“Tegoshi spoke warmly about his American girlfriend during recent promotional activities, and called her often.”

Such a happy image~ ^_______^ But, uh, kind of (okay, REALLY) a stupid thing to do, Tego, if you’re trying to keep your rumored gf a secret. :P I want to know how they met, though. I’ve been imagining it as during one of NEWS’s concerts. Maybe he passed by her in the audience and stumbled back to do a double-take, captivated. Hmm, it won’t be so good if she’s already a fan, though. What if she’s just another gold digger?

You know, if they get married and have babies they will be the most beautiful things ever. *___________* You know I am pro-interracial relationships, journal.

I’ve been wondering about that DareKiss Tegoshi picture used in the above link. The picture, quality, size, and crop are exactly the same as one of the shots I had taken for this entry. They had probably taken it from there, since it’s unlikely that someone else would make the same cropping mistake I did. :/

On a different note, I’d like to take a quick moment to wish a

happy 25th birthday to Yamashita Tomohisa!

It’s already the 10th in Japan, but it’s still the 9th here, so I’m not counting it as late. :P

I don’t care what people say about him, how he’s “boring” nowadays or whatever. I’ve always said that boring = normal when it comes to Johnny’s. For every bouncy superball in a group there must be someone serious to balance things out, right? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a harder working man in the entertainment business; I hope he gets a little break for his birthday.

Keep on being NEWS’s lazy beloved leader~ :D

. . .

My eyeballs still hurt from yesterday. From crying.

NO, not from hearing about Tegoshi’s rumored girlfriend lol. I wish him nothing but the best.

I was heading to my SAT prep/guidance class yesterday in school. At the same time, I was thinking of how overwhelming things have been lately, and before I knew it, the tears were streaming down my face. I tried to wipe them away when I saw Christa approaching. When she got close enough, she noticed that I was crying. And once she pulled me aside, asking me what’s wrong in such a soft, un-Christa-like voice, I just lost it, and I was still standing right in the middle of the classroom.

She told me to go the bathroom to wash my face, so I did, all the while trying not to look at the rest of the class because I was sure they were staring.  Uncomposed Mimi is such a rare thing that they must have wondered what was up.

Walking back to class from the bathroom — which didn’t help at all D: — I ran into Carlie, who was obviously late for class.

Carlie immediately noticed the tears. I’ve had her console me tons of times before, usually during English class when I’m moaning over my sleepless nights. But I’ve never had her try to comfort me when I was actually crying. When she pulled me into a comforting hug, I started crying so hard that I was hiccuping and couldn’t form coherent words. The teacher let Carlie take me to the guidance room, where I could calm down.

After ten minutes or so of soothing, motherly words from our dear class president, I had stopped hiccuping. I could only whisper to her, though, because speaking normally made my voice crack in such an unpleasant way.

I told her about how much I’m struggling in all my classes, how much I HATE everything. It seems like I’m the only one who has any trouble, though it might be because I’m a stupid person who they placed in smart people classes. Mostly, I was upset that I got ANOTHER B on my report card for AP Bio.

I wouldn’t care if it had been an 85, or even an 87. That way, I would have needed several more points to reach the 90 mark. No, it was, yet again, an eighty-freaking-nine. Just like last term.

When I found out about this grade, I didn’t react at all. I kind of just went “Pfft, whatever,” and moved on with my life. It was just a B, wasn’t gonna let it affect me. Even though it seems like I constantly obsess over my grades, I really don’t. It’s just this journal that makes me sound crazy about my scores.

But unbeknownst to me, all the frustration, anger, stress, and pressure had been building up, compiling into one huge mass until it finally exploded yesterday.

Never before in my life have I shed tears on a bad grade. I’m not /that/ much of a loser, you know. XP Sure, I’d pout for a few minutes, but that would quickly wear away. But it’s different this time.

I work so hard studying for each Biology test. I know for a fact that I work harder than any of  the other Bio students in that class, actually painstakingly reading the beast of a textbook to do my study guide (compared to other students who use the answers at the back of the book). But despite my tons of careful notes, despite the nights of sleep I had surrendered to work on the study guide, it was all in vain. I still failed every test, and staying up all night just made me fall behind in my other classes. This utterly helpless feeling, I hated it so much. It seemed like no matter what I did, I just wouldn’t get any better.

I know, I know. What am I so worked up about? It seems so petty because an 89 in an AP class is really good. But that knowledge of being so close, just one more point to an A-minus — it just killed me. It’s so frustrating because it happened the previous term. I can’t help but be bombarded with tons of what-ifs: What if I had spent just a little more time on that lab report? What if I had chosen to stick with that answer instead of changing it to another? What if I stayed awake more during the teacher’s lectures? All are little things that might have made a difference. I don’t know, I feel like I can’t win against myself.

In addition to all this, I had also found out that Mama won’t be coming to the National Honor Society induction next week. She has to drive me to my school, of course, but she doesn’t want to attend the hour-long ceremony. Doesn’t she care at all?

It took a long time, but Carlie stayed with me until I was ready to head back to class. I’m not good with expressing how I feel, so I whispered to her a simple, “Thank you.”

Throughout the rest of that day, I could feel Christa and Carlie, as well as a concerned Corr, watching out for me. I got hugs from each of them, and the love conveyed in those hugs gave me the strength to continue on with the school day and, later, with my studying. Because I had a Bio test AND a Religion test the next day. Carlie made me promise that I would get some sleep for today, but I just couldn’t do it. I had to pull another all-nighter to fit my studying in. I did fall asleep for an hour, though, around 4 in the morning to 5.

Oh, can you imagine the shock I got when sixth period came around and the teacher delivered us the horrific news: NO TEST.

Her computer was being faulty and wouldn’t print out the test pages. So she was forced to postpone the test to Monday. I literally stood there frozen, eyes huge. The other students in the class who were in my SAT class (where I had my breakdown) all turned to look at me. They knew how hard I had prepared for this test, and they were gentle in helping the news sink in. They tried to console me by saying that we now at least have more study time. None of them were ready either, I guess.

I have such wonderful friends. You guys… thank you so much. TT_______TT From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being there for me when I needed it most. ♥♥♥

Until next time,

~ Mimi Q__Q

P.S. Not an appropriate time to say this, but I’ll be starting a daily writing project soon. I’ll give myself a prompt and write a drabble about it, which I’ll then post to my journal entries. I miss writing so much that I’m willing to do this bit of extra work. I’m thinking of starting tomorrow if possible. If not, I can wait until spring break. Wish me luck!

3 thoughts on “From the bottom of my heart~

  1. I hope you cheer up soon. I can relate to how stressful school might be (especially for a social hermit such as myself) and I really want to thank you for encouraging me with your own determination. Please don’t ever succumb to suicide because your blogging gives hope to others who are struggling as well. It gave a lot of hope to me when I was in my own slump.

    Gambatte, ne!

  2. Eh~ I really don’t see how my endless rambling can give hope to anybody. But I’m really happy that I was able to help you because that’s exactly what I want my writing to do for people.
    And don’t worry about the suicide thing; I never once considered it. I only meant that with so much pressure on my shoulders, I understand why people would make such a terrible choice. Thank you so much for your message, though. I’m really tired today and you helped cheer me up a lot.

  3. you know……….this is not true becuase om the only one the girlfriend of tego……..no one can replce him in my heart…

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